If you know me, you know that I'm terrible at making decisions. I analyze everything way too much. My Sunday School teacher always says, "if God just wrote it in the sky, I would do it". That's so very true. I want to do what God wants me to do; the hard part is knowing what that is.
So the major life decision my husband and I were faced with recently was what to do in order to try to have a baby. Thanks to God's ability to hit me in the face with the answer, we know what we're doing. I honestly can't tell you how He does that, but I know when He's behind a decision because I am confiendent in it and don't question it. I'm at peace with our decision, because I know God is backing us up.
For several reasons, my husband and I have decided not to do IVF. Maybe in a few years or so we might visit this option again, but for now we are passing. I'm not too bummed about this though, because I haven't totally been sold on this option since the beginning anyway.
So we decided to go the experimental route. I was scolded on calling it an "experiment" at the doctor's office, by the way. The medication and treatments are not experimental, it's just what they are doing to treat this specific problem that is new. This route is much less expensive than IVF and the end result would be a baby from both my husband and me. A healthy man and woman trying to have a baby have between a 20-25% chance per month of getting pregnant. If everything goes well with this process, the doctor thinks my chances will bump up to a 15% chance. I know that doesn't sound very good, but right now my body has a 0% chance so 15% looks pretty appealing from here.
I have been taking estrogen three times a day for three weeks now with only one week remaining. The goal of this medicine is to decrease my FSH level to a 10 or lower and increase my ovulation. I thought my FSH level was a 44 (as I've said before), but they took the level right before I started the medicine to see how far we have to go, and it was a 76. Ouch! My optimism plummetted when I found this out. My doctor told me we are going to try to lower the FSH level in 4 weeks; if it doesn't work in that amount of time, it's not going to and we abondon this ship completely. So I've been getting my FSH level tested once a week to see if it's dropping. I'm very pleased to report that the first week it went down to a 33.6, then 23, and just this week it went down to a 14! After I got the first call saying the level went down to 33.6, I was really excited, but I immidately asked God to not let this be a false hope. I have learned to try to not get too excited, otherwise it will be harder to get over if something doesn't happen the way I thought it would. So I'm just focusing on the here and now and realize my end result is only 15%. I have peace though, because I know this is what God wants us to do, and I also know He is amazing so 15% to Him is super easy to work with because everything is easy for Him. That's why it's so great having Him in my life.
