As I read some of my blog posts I realize that I am being pretty selfish actually. I keep reading "I...I...I...me...me...me....how will I be affected...how does this make me feel." I have to understand and realize that this is probably affecting other people as well. I must try to look at this through different perspectives, through the perspectives of others.
God is huge and super clever so when He does something, He doesn't just fix the problem for one person, but the solution seems to involve multiple people and everyone is blessed. I couldn't possibly begin to understand how this situation is affecting other people or who else God is thinking of within the situation, but I do know His solution will be woven between many.
My husband and I decided when we got married, we wanted to be married for a few years before we had children. So we decided after we got married when we were going to start to try for a baby. First mistake...plan around God and not through God. My husband has always wanted kids, but I don't think as deeply as I did. When we started trying, I honestly don't know if he was really ready. I mean he agreed to my "perfectly" timed plan, but I don't know if he was totally ready to be a dad. Now I can see the way he looks at children and the way he talks about having children, and there is a significant difference. Through this I can see that God has been working on my husband's heart. So maybe I would have been ready this whole time and God thought it would have been fine for me to have a child sooner, but my husband wasn't ready and God needed to work on his heart first. I'm thankful for this and again, glad God is in control and not me.
Also, what about the unborn baby? There have always been struggles and issues throughout time, and maybe its just as I get older, but it seems that there are some really crazy, scary things happening in the world. God may not want me to bring a child into this world at this time. I have to remember that God can see the whole picture. I can only see two pieces - what is happening to me right now and what has happened to me in the past. God can see many other pieces - what I can see, but also what is happening tomorrow, what is happening years from now, how people will be affected, how He will be glorified, and on and on. He is so detailed and intricate, but also larger than anything I can imagine. He's pretty much awesome. So...maybe God wants me to wait until a better time for the baby; when the baby will have a better life that will have an impact for Him.
Or...what about a child already in this world that doesn't have a home? If we were to have our own baby, a child may go without a home because he or she is supposed to be with my husband and me. We can offer a good home and love to a child that may not otherwise receive those things. This is why, honestly, I am so thankful I am not in control. When the end result comes, I know I will look back on all this and just praise His name because we will all be blessed. And I probably won't even fully get it until I get to Heaven.
And only God knows who else this situation may be affecting. Maybe I am able to go off and do more mission trips without a child, or maybe my husband is able to help more people. I have to remember that ultimately everything we do has to glorify God. That is our purpose in life; to glorify God by blessing others and bringing others to Christ. So if having a child fits into that purpose, bring it on. If not, I pray God gives me the strength to accept that.
So as I'm going through all of this, I must look at the situation from the perspectives of others. God does have a plan, and not just for me.
