I have to admit that I feel a little at ease since we've found out we can't have children. I am still very sad; in fact, I cried on my way home from work today because I heard Brad Paisley's new song "Anything Like Me" on the radio. Basically it's about his new little baby and how he's wondering if he'll be just like him. He talks about getting hurt and being crazy like little boys are. It makes me sad, first of all, because I've always wanted a boy. I can't even describe it, but I would love to be a mom of a little boy. But it also makes me sad, because I would love more than anything, to have my husband's son. I've already talked about how wonderful my husband is and I just think this world needs more men like him. Anyway, I've let myself ramble, but the point was that I was sad, because I may not have my husband's little crazy boy who would be just like him.
But I am more at ease. I don't know how God does it, but I think He took all the options away from me so I would put all my trust and hope solely in Him. I simply cannot look to anything else, not because I am this super awesome Christian and it's just amazingly easy for me (because I'm not and it's not by the way), but because God knows that I'm human and I fail, and He wants me to rely on Him and Him alone. He's taken all the options away from me (doctors, medicine, etc) except for Him. He is all that is left, and He was there in the beginning. After everything has been stripped away, He's still standing. He's still my rock and still my foundation and will always be.
Our Bible study group at work is doing a lesson on prayer tomorrow. As I was going through it, I couldn't help but think how simple it seems, and yet we make it so complicated. Mark 11:23-24 says (and this is Jesus speaking), "Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Betaken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. Therefore, I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."
There are tons of versus about praying and the power of prayer. After going through the lesson, I've learned that you have to pray earnestly, never ceasing. I am really bad at this. Sure I pray, but I just pray when I think about it here and there. I should do it all the time and not because I should, but because I genuinely want to. I like talking to my best friend all the time right, so why wouldn't I want to talk to Jesus all the time? The DJ of the Christian radio station I listen to said he and his wife were on the beach and he lost his wedding ring in the ocean. They looked for it and couldn't find it. The next day they looked for it, couldn't find it but decided to pray to find the ring. Right after he prayed, he looked down and the ring was right by his foot IN THE OCEAN. How does that happen? The current and undertow and tide and a full day later it was right by his foot? That's almost unbelievable except that I know God can perform miracles like that all day long. And the cool part is that we can actually be a part of that if we just pray fervently. God can make a tiny little ring appear in a gigantic ocean; He can definitely make my husband and I a mom and dad.
1 Samuel explains the story of Samuel's mother, Hannah. She also could not have a baby; "the Lord had closed her womb" (1 Samuel 1:6). But she wanted a son so badly (just like me!) that "she, greatly distressed, prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly" (1 Samuel 1:10). And if you can guess, she had her baby boy, Samuel. There is much more to that story, but Hannah desperately wanted a son so she prayed, and it was so. This gives me great encouragement.
